Sleeping Kaito: A Vocaloid Parody
by Hatsunation
Summary: Kaito is a prince, Meiko is an evil fairy, Luka, Miku, and Gumi are chaotic neutral fairies, Len is poor, Rin is a cow. Rated T for language.


_Hey I'm baaaack._

_Unfortunately I don't have Shota in Pedoland because the file is stuck on my other computer. Same with Shota and the Leek Stalk._

_So enjoys Sleeping Kaito! Wanna know why it's not Sleeping Shota? Read the story ya lazies!_

* * *

It was Prince Kaito's Xth birthday. Everyone in the kingdom was invited to his ridiculously expensive castle to celebrate the Xth occasion. Ever since Kaito was born he made a huge hoopla about his birthday. Quite frankly, no one really cared but there was free food and that was always a plus.

Currently everyone was dancing to bizarre techno music as a strobe light flickered in the room. People were pretty happy and would always scream, "LET THE BEAT DROP!" when the beat dropped. Or at least when they thought it did. No one could really tell.

Halfway during the techno rave party Kaito stood up from his throne and screamed, "Yo peeps! I want to open my presents!"

The citizens of the kingdom groaned, knowing that this ordeal usually lasted hours. They shuffled over to the foot of Kaito's throne where a rainbow disco ball was spinning and occasionally blinding someone.

The cart of crappily wrapped presents was pulled into the room by some servants who collapsed after having pulled the cart close enough. Kaito skipped over their exhausted bodies and jumped with glee as he saw the presents.

"Oh you guys~" Kaito smiled.

The kingdom mentally spoke the next words in unison with Kaito, "You really shouldn't have but I'm glad you did!"

He laughed as he flung uninteresting presents over his shoulder to get the juicy ones. Upon opening a present he squealed like a little girl, "KYAAAA! It's a new scarf!"

Kaito immediately flung off his current blue scarf and modeled the new light blue one, turning to his guests for their approval. They grunted what they hoped sounded like words in reply. Kaito simply clapped his hands and opened another present.

"O. M. G. It's a scaaaaaaaarf!"

His ten second old scarf was flung aside to the other recently abandoned scarf as he modeled and lighter blue scarf. He clapped the ends of the scarf together full of giddiness. The citizens only sighed.

This was how his birthday party went EVERY year. Everyone got him scarves in various shades of blue and he'd always act like he was getting a private island. By now he had to have broken the universe record of having the most blue scarves.

"Oh oh! Let's open another one," Kaito giggled, reaching for another box.

"ENOUGH!"

The doors to the castle flung open as a fairy wearing a slutty red dress strutted into the area. She pointed an accusing finger at the prince, "Yo Kaito! Get your ass over here or I will cut it off and get it myself!"

Kaito slowly shuffled over, still holding his unopened present, "Yesss Meiko?"

"You didn't invite me. YOU DIDN'T INVITE ME TO YOUR SHIT PARTY!" Meiko screeched.

"Yeah… Well you always be insulting my parties and I don't like to be disrespected like that. You feel me?" Kaito said with a wink.

"NO I DON'T FEEL YOU YOU FREAKING FAG," Meiko yelled. She took a breath, "Look here Mr. Princey Pants, you didn't invite me to your shit party. Even though I call your stupid parties stupid I still want to be fucking invited! Do YOU feel me?!"

Kaito nodded, "Yeah, I feel you gurl. BUUUUT You're such a downer wanting to cut off my butt in front of my kingdom. Ain't nobody wanna see that. So I'd actually like it if you left. Now. Bye and TTYL~"

"Oh my god you little shit!" Meiko roared, "I hope you die! Wait…" Meiko began to snigger to herself.

"I curse thee to prick thou's finger on a spinning wheel. Then he shall die!" Meiko cursed.

"Oh wow," Kaito mocked, "What's with that old talk? That like totally last year yo. And who has spinning wheels anymore? That shit's for peasant girls. I'm fabulous."

Meiko pressed her lips into a thin line, "Then how's THIS?!"

From a puff of smoke a spinning wheel appeared. It flew towards Prince Kaito who tried to defend himself by holding up his now opened present with a dark blue scarf inside. Being that he only "tried", he obviously failed and was pummeled by the flying spindle. he immediately collapsed on the floor in his heap of scarves.

"We- WE CAN LEAVE!" A citizen cheered.

The citizens of the kingdom happily left the castle with arms full of food, leaving only the evil fairy Meiko and the three chaotic neutral fairies Miku, Luka, and Gumi.

The trio peered down at Kaito's spastically shaking form.

"The Prince is going to die," Miku stated.

"Is that really a bad thing?" Luka asked.

"Well yeah," Gumi answered, "If he dies then this story is going to suck."

"No tsundere yaoi," Miku said, shaking her head.

"But this story doesn't even have 'Shota' in the title. It doesn't HAVE to have tsundere yaoi, " Luka explained.

"But it's implied," Gumi added.

"So then I guess we have to save this pathetic Prince's life," Miku sighed.

The trio sighed.

"Kaito's so stupid. He doesn't deserve to live," Luka argued.

"But he's got main character life support. He'll find a way," Gumi countered.

The trio nodded.

"I wish Len was the main character. at least he'd be pitching a tsundere fit about now," Miku said.

"Well we'll just make it super juicy in the end to make for the lack of a main tsundere," Luka compromised.

The trio thought about the ending of the story, pondering possibilities that would satisfy the fangirls.

"I think I got something!" Gumi said excitedly.

"Then cast the spell! Before Kaito dies!" Miku yelped, watching Kaito have a seizure in his scarves.

Luka scoffed, "Kaito's not going anywhere."

"Instead of dying, Kaito shall go into a deep sleep that will last an afternoon in Kaito time, " Gumi chanted, "And he will only be awaken by the kiss of a tsundere shota! They will then live happily ever after!"

"Or at least Kaito will," Luka muttered.

"After the two are the subject of a bunch of creepy mpreg fanfics," Miku shuddered.

The trio waved their wands and pointed them at Kaito. He finally ceased his spasms and fell into a deep sleep. The scarves he was snoring away on began to move and slither like tentacles, carrying him up into the tallest cliched tower of his castle because you-only-fall-into-a-sleep-induced-by-fairies-once.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Life was a lot better in the kingdom. People were happy. No one had to waste money on stupid blue scarves. But of course a certain spell was cast that made sure this happiness didn't last.

Currently Len was headed to the castle where Kaito lay in slumber in pursuit of fat loots. Three fairies had appeared before and told him about the treasures of gold, jewels, and a beautiful princess waiting for him. although Len didn't really care about the princess, gold and jewels were enough motivation to get him going. Besides, that stupid princess would probably make him spend his fat loots on buying her stupid princess clothes and a stupid princess house.

Looming over the horizon, Len could see a castle entangled with weird moving rope things. Len wasn't really worried about this, thinking it was probably… something not dangerous.

"Len, Len. Len the knight! He's not a knight but he sleeps at night!"

Len sighed, "Shut up you stupid cow."

"I'm just trying the brighten the mood," Rin the cow sang.

"Uh, I'm so freaking poor I have to ride a stupid cow instead of a horse," Len moaned.

"Hey! At least I provide a free beverage!" Rin smiled.

"I'm so freaking poor I have to drink my transportation's milk, " Len whined.

"Aw, you're not THAT poor," Rin said.

"I'm so freaking poor my cow can't even put two cents into a conversation."

"You're really getting on my nerves…" Rin grumbled.

"I'M SO FREAKING POOR THAT FAIRIES BROKE INTO MY HOUSE TO GIVE ME MONEY."

"You don't even have a house!" Rin yelled.

"I'M SOOOO FREAKING POOR THAT FAIRIES KNOCKED ON A CARDBOARD BOX THINKING I LIVED THERE," Len wailed, "HELL, I'M SO POOR I CAN'T EVEN AFFORD TO LIVE IN A CARDBOARD BOX."

Rin bucked her back legs into the air, knocking Len onto the ground, "Stop whining! Or I won't take you to the castle for fat loots!"

Len sniffled, "I'm so poor that my own possessions disown me."

"Uh," Rin muttered, finding it hard to feel bad for such a whiny kid, "Look, the castle is right freaking there. Just do the thing and get the loot."

"Fine," Len said, finally not making a "I'm so freaking poor" joke.

Len walked into the front doors of the castle wielding a broom (because he's so freaking poor that he had to use a broom because edges cost extra). The castle was for the most part abandoned, save the occasional slithering blue thing.

He journeyed through the castle without incident, making sure to check EVERY SINGLE room for loot. All that he really found were fancy blue scarves and the kingdom had a strong hatred for them. (Len was so freaking poor that he could get a job getting rid of blue scarves)

As he journeyed through the castle he noticed the amount of blue things were beginning to increase dramatically in number. at one point he had to crawl through a mountain of blue things that seemed suspiciously like scarves aside from the fact that they moved.

Upon getting through maybe the fifth barrier of scarves, Len found himself in a chamber, the floor completely covered in scarves. He took a few cautious steps forward before the room began to shake. From the scarves a giant scarf monster morphed into a weird spider looking thing.

"WHO DARE CHALLENGES I? THE GREAT SCARF SPIDER OF SHION!"

Len stared at them with an expression of lol-wut? "Um, I do. Len. The one who's so freaking poor that I go up to dumpsters with a shopping list."

"VERY WELL THEN LEN OF LAY AWAY, YOU HAVE CHOSEN A FATE THAT WILL ONLY END WITH DEATH!"

"Yeah, well," Len scoffed, "I'm so freaking poor I can't even afford to have a fate to choose."

"WE SHALL FIGHT!" the Scarf Spider of Shion bellowed.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

In the end the only boss battle in the whole castle ended up really sucking because Len was there and he was so poor he couldn't afford cool attack combos. As a result the "fight" turned into more of a fanservice showdown featuring the S.S. Shion as a tentacle monster of sorts and Len as the tsundere shota victim. All in all, I'm sure it was a very yummy experience that you can dream about while you wait in line at an amusement park that Len's too poor to go to.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

The S.S. Shion was once again reduced to a pile of scarves, content with the round of molestation he partook in. Len feeling very disgusted and poor climbed the stairs that lead to the tower where the princess and fat loots were supposed to be. He climbed taking two steps at a time because he's so poor he couldn't afford to waste time.

Once at the top of the tower he saw at the center a huge mound of various blue scarves. Len started to back out the room, thinking it would be the same as the S.S. Shion but then heard a very loud snore.

Sneaking closer, Len looked down at the mound of scarves expecting to see a princess but only saw more scarves. He shoved the scarves to the ground, revealing the mound to actually be a bed. Looking closer, Len saw no fat loots. Not even a princess. Instead, the most hated man in the kingdom.

Prince Kaito.

"Kiiiissss hiiiim," Miku the suddenly appearing fairy hissed.

"Come now our sweet shota, give him a smooch!" Gumi giggled.

The trio of fairies clapped their hands excitedly as they saw Len lean over the snoring Kaito. he leaned closer and closer, their almost touching…

"Mine."

The fairies watched awestruck as Len grabbed the crown off Kaito's head and strutted out the tower.

"You supposed to kiss him!" Luka yelled.

"The story!" Gumi cried.

"THE YAOIIIIIIIIIII," Miku sobbed.

Len reached into his pocket for a banana, unwrapped it, and flung the peel behind him. The tower exploded into a brilliant yellow inferno; blue scarves withering into ash.

Len, some safely away from the burning tower, was mounted on Rin the cow with the crown in his hands.

"I guess you're not so poor that you can't afford an exploding banana peel," Rin said, stating the obvious plot hole.

"I became poor when I bought the first one. Duh," Len explained.

As they rode away into the sunset, the castle crumbled away as the banana's flames consumed it. Within the tower a single tear slid down Kaito's cheek.


End file.
